This Isn't You
by alyssialui
Summary: Ginny goes to collect Seamus from the bar as he drinks his sorrows away. Seamus/Ginny, implied Seamus/Lavender.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Ginny goes to collect Seamus from the bar. Seamus/Ginny, implied Seamus/Lavender. AU. RxR. FxF. _I do not own Harry Potter.__

_Submission for:_

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft &amp; Wizardry (Challenges &amp; Assignments): **Speed Drabble - "You don't belong here. You never will.", "Don't question it!", recovery, Seamus/Ginny._

_**Greek Mythology Mega Prompt Challenge: **Dionysus – Write about a character using illicit substances or alcohol._

_**The "As Many As You Want" Competition: **accent_

* * *

Ginny bit her lip as she pushed the door of the seedy bar open. She didn't know why he chose to go to this muggle bar instead of one in the wizarding world, but maybe it was because he thought no one would find him here, especially her. No one would see him as he drank his sorrows away and numbed the pain in his heart. He was nobody here, he wasn't Seamus Finnigan, survivor of a war, but a random drunk with a tumbler of scotch in his hand.

She looked about the bar, ignoring the leers and catcalls of the other bar patrons. Ginny could handle herself well but she never wanted to be put in a situation where she would need to. She almost felt like running but calmed her nerves. She already brought herself this far, into the wolves' lair. Now she just wanted to take her boyfriend home and away from all this.

She finally found him at the counter in the farthest seat from the door and sitting in the shadows. His head was on his folded arms on the counter but she could see him clutching the glass in his hand like his life depended on it. She sucked in a deep breath before she approached him.

"Seamus?" she asked softly, reaching her hand out to place on his shoulder.

He whirled on her, his free hand flailing as the drink sloshed out of the glass in his other. She ducked under his arm and grabbed it quickly to put it at his side. When he had slowed a bit, she snapped her fingers before his unfocused eyes, "Seamus. It's me."

He blinked twice before his eyes landed on her. His gaze then fell on the glass in his hand and her arm holding his in place. Shakily, he asked, "Ginny? What are you doing here?"

She retorted, "I could ask you the same thing. I thought you were on the path to recovery, Seamus. What happened to all those AA meetings? The counselling? The PTSD sessions? You told me you were attending those and they were going good."

He looked down at his lap before turning suddenly on his stool and towards the bar. He mumbled something that Ginny didn't quite catch. "What did you say?"

"I lied. They weren't helping, Gin. All they did was bring up old feelings that made me want to drink more. I'd leave them feeling worse than I did before," he said bitterly, his accent even thicker under the effects of the alcohol.

Ginny took a seat on the empty stool beside him, "Why didn't you say anything to anyone? Why didn't you say something to me?"

"I didn't want your worry or your pity. I wanted to handle this one my own," he said not looking at her.

"This is how you handle things!" Ginny screamed, her anger getting the better of her.

"Don't question it!' He held up the glass before her, the liquid sloshing a bit over his hand as it shook. "This helps, Gin. This helps those memories stop. This helps me get by. This helps way more than all those meetings combined."

"No it's not. You shouldn't stop the memories. You need to remember her, Seamus. You can't just keep pushing her to the back of your mind with alcohol," Ginny pleaded.

He frowned and put the glass to his lips, taking a long swig. She could tell she was slowly losing him with this conversation and he was trying to drink her away as well. She looked at him sadly while reaching for his hand with the glass, the brown liquid looking darker in the dim light and reminding her of the poison it was. "This isn't you, Seamus." She gestured about the room, "You don't belong here. You never will. You belong back home. You belong with people who care about you and don't want to see you going down this horrible path."

His voice got heavier as he blinked rapidly, "I can't do that, Gin. Every time I'm left alone, I see her. I see her smiling face. I see her light blonde hair and I see the gaping hole in her neck as she lay bleeding on the floor. I don't want to see that again, Gin."

"You need to get help then. The more you push those memories back, the harder and faster they'll come back to the surface." She took the glass from his hand and placed it out of his reach. "You don't need this to cope, Seamus. You can come to me. I want to help you, just please let me. Let me in and we can get through this together. You don't have to do this alone."

He blinked back the tears that had sprung to his eyes before wiping his sleeve over them. He looked like he wanted to cry right now, another effect of the alcohol enhancing his emotions, but he held it together. But she felt a wave of understanding and acceptance and she knew she had gotten through to him on some level. He nodded and rose slowly off the stool, swaying slightly on his feet. He gave her a sad but hopeful smile, "I can't make any promises, Gin, but I will give it another try."

If that was all she was getting for now, she would gladly take it. She got up from her stool as well, placing his arm over her shoulders to brace him if he should fall (Ginny was stronger than she looked). She smiled at him and said, "I'll be there with you every step of the way."

He pulled her in for a tight hug and a kiss on the forehead. She giggled and then readjusted him on her shoulders. "Now let's get you home. You stink," she said which earned her a deep laugh.

Another girl may have been upset if her boyfriend was thinking of another girl while he was with her, but this was different. Everyone had lost someone in the war and it was hard to move on and forget feelings you once held so strongly for someone who was taken from your life so suddenly. Ginny understood her boyfriend and she would be at his side as he slowly got better. She would be his rock that he could lean on, every step of the way.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Seamus is plagued by visions. Takes place before the first chapter. More Seamus/Lavender in this one._

_Submission for:_

_**Hogwarts School of Witchcraft &amp; Wizardry (Challenges &amp; Assignments): **HOPSCOTCH - (pairing) Lavender Brown/lSeamus Finnigan (pairing), (location) pub_

* * *

Seamus walked among the Muggles through the busy streets of London, his eyes cast down with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He was supposed to be elsewhere, laying in a long chair while he told his therapist all the evils with haunted him since the end of the War. But he just couldn't do that tonight. No matter how many times he went, he could never get across the heaviness of the weight hanging off his heart, the screams of all the victims, her face frozen in surprise with the hole beneath her chin.

He shuddered despite the warm night, trying to rid himself of that vision. It wouldn't do well for him to have some sort of episode out here in public. Then he looked up, noticing the aged sign swinging above his head. The door on his right opened and the rowdy sounds of the pub invited him in. A drink or two could help, right?

One drink turned into two, three and four. In the rational part of his mind, he shouldn't have come inside, knowing his addictive history to the drinks, but he needed something to get the images out of his mind, to help him forget, even for a moment.

He rested his head on his crossed arms as he signalled to the barman to get him another. He needed one more, just one more-

_"Seamus..."_

He looked him, his drowsy eyes peering through the darkness. Where was he? What happened to all the people in the pub? But that didn't matter as much to him as what had woken him up. He heard her, her sweet voice calling his name like she used to by the Lake, the sunlight shining through her golden hair.

_"Seamus!"_

Then he saw her, her bright light shining in the darkness as she came towards him with her arms outstretched.

"Lavender," he cried, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes as he reached out to touch her. "Lavender, I-"

_"Stop this!"_ she said, her eyes pleading with him. _"This isn't you! You don't need this!"_

He stopped, the weight returning and the hazy feeling of the alcohol slowly returning. "Yes, I do!" he cried. "I need this! I need-

"-you," his lips moved silently over the word, his body still slumped over the bar counter as his mind was plagued with thoughts and dreams of her.


End file.
